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©1986 PIG PRODUCTIONS, 70 Cotton Drive, flississauga, Ontario, Canada L5G 1Z9 


ETalley's Comet 
Is Comings 

Aliens could unite us, Reagan says 

FALLSTON, Md. (Reuter) — If aliens attacked Earth from another | 
planet, the United States and the Soviet Union would forget their differ: I 
ences and join forces, U.S. President Ronald Reagan says he told Soviet J 
leader.Mikhail Gorbachev at the Geneva summit. 

"J couldn't help but say to him, just think how easy his task and 
mine might be ... if suddenly there was a threat to this world from 
another species from another planet outside in the universe," Reagaii 
told high school students here. 

"We'd forget all the little local differences that we have between 
our countries and we would find out once and for all that we really are ] 
all human beings here on this earth together." 

Shadowy Men 

on a- 

| Shadowy Plaiiet | 


+ Jp 


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Executive thinks 3 networks 
lost $9 million in ad revenues 

NEW YORK (Special) — ABC, 
NBC and CBS lost a total of $9 
million in revenues by not run- 
ning commercials during their 
coverage of the Challenger 
space-shuttle disaster Tuesday, 
according to Dave Poltrack, 
CBS vice-president for research. 

Poltrack estimates the TV 
networks probably lost $5.5 mil- 
lion during their afternoon 
coverage — knocking out the 
lucrative soaps and game shows 
— and an additional $3.5 million 
for their hour-long news broad- 
casts during prime time. 

ABC logged 1,731 calls Tues- 
day, 80 per cent of them com- 
plaints about the pre-emption of 
daytime serials. NBC registered 
295 calls and CBS 200, many of 
them complaints. 

Two TV stations in Salt Lake 
City were swamped with com- 
plaints. "It's unbelievable," said 
Renee Gordon, a KSL-TV secre- 
tary. "Something as tragic as 
the space shuttle blowing up 
happens, and people want to 
know what is happening on 
their soap operas." 

M mm* 



I A Galactic Omen?! 




Are you 

a star person? 

I would like to meet other ladies 
age 60-66, who over the last 30 
years have had psychic expert-; 
ences concerning UFOs, or other,- 
or with characteristics named in 
Brad Steiger's book Star People. 
Don't worry, I'm one too! 

My other interests include: 
reading, designing needlework 
"paintings," Star Trek fan, -Allan*-? 
jtis, outer space, spiritualisl 
church, going to shopping mails 
and bargain stores, friendly, posir 
tive folk. . 

I'm a widow in a senior's buildr 
ing, no car, so only Toronto ladies 
write. Maybe we can start a 
group. I got a box number as I live 
in public housing. 

Mrs. J. Howard 
i Suite 1Q0 

Box 367. 
Toronto M4W3E2 



1 40% in U.S. believe in UFOs, poll says I 

I WASHINGTON (AP) — More than 40 per cent of all Americans be- 
I lieve flying saucers are real and rockets change the weather, a VS. poll 
I indicates. Its author, Jon Miller of the Public Opinion Laboratory, sug- 
| gests the findings show a technologically confused society. 

6-TAR6M1P 617\R6M1P cdIT^MIP 

~^£r- People (people!) Heeded Holo 

C00L & THH j?A^K . $\.S s^K 

All positions open: captains, astral navigators, cooks, dancers, energy centers \ 
IPe need experts in explosives, wave mechanics, lazer technics, atomic , 
& trionic physics, lahrian tantronics, telemetry, etc. 

Jelepaths, machinists, chemists, woodworkers, physicians 
craftsmen, poets, artists, recording engineers, moon pair , & particularly people 
who don't have any idea what they're all about 
Emfearkatiorv Sate: J^iii 4 Wpp. 1989-91 V ^ 

IVe intend to hijack the first sound interstellar or interplanetary starship built by the people of this planet 
A time of 3-7 months will be needed for tantronic conversion of the machinery to make it usable for practical travel 

— involving light years. 

'We need people on earth now to begin preparittg the necessary tools 

7here will be room for 7000 or more people. 

7/ it seems that your head is into this please write & talk about 

something for a bit 

you will not be contacted immediately 

Please just prepare your minds & your bodies. Experiment — move your mind 

"Practice telepathy * telekinesis — if you feel it 



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WAN i:X~ LO VlSl) ON15 


Bass. Backing Vocals, and 
Dropping On The Downbeat 
Feb. 5 - Apr. 24. '82* 

It was in the month of June 1983 that the world-famous Renfield Brik. formed. 
This all started when Jon Wahl and his brother Phil called me up to play in 
this new hard-rock outfit they were forming. Influences? MC 5. Stooges, Damned, 
Ramones, Stones, Motorhead, and Flamin Groovies. Chuck Berger (aka Kid Bastard) 
from Phil's earlier band Kene White was on lead guitar. Jon Wahl was also 
lead guitar. Phil was to be the drummist. And I played bass... what else? 

I feel I must stop and clarify something at this point. After I left The 
Loved Ones I bought a Big Muff, known the world over as the most distorted 
distort box conceived by man. On a normal bass, this device produces an even, 
sustained fuzz. But on a $16 pawn-shop imitation Hofner going through a Fender 
Bassman 50 with blown tubes and Radio Shack speakers cranked to the max, the 
sound of my instrument could raise the dead in a seven-state area. 

We practiced on and off all summer. Jon soon left to devote more energy 
to his full-time combo The Electric Tombstones. I managed to stay away from 
all drugs and was even looking forward to starting school in the fall. My 
rotten boss at work was asked to resign. My cousins, aunt, uncle and grand- 
mother came out to visit. My car was running better than ever: I would take 
it out to the desert and run it at 80 MPH on the back roads. I went out and 
bought new clothes for school and all the books I would need. I was determined 
to ace every class that semester. 

September came and school started. I did very well for the first month. 
Then I started hanging around with my friends: I went to parties and started 
back with the drugs. By December I was out of all my classes except for 
American Literature. (During this time I was^reading two books a month... 
this made American Lit a breeze). My parents^had had it. It was time to save 
up and move out. I had until March to find a job. I messed around for three 
months. Just when I seemed to be reaching the deadline, I got a job with my 
father driving a truck. 

Renfield Brik kept practicing and we inched ever closer to the sound we 
wanted. In April we booked our first show at the Cathay de Grande, on one of 
their Tuesday no-talent nights. Attendance was good, with a healthy share 
of the audience there to see us. I must say, with a very small measure of 
humility, we drew some bonafide see-leb-re-teez: Zoogz Rift and several members 
of his band, the amazing Shit Heads. (I realize you probably haven't heard 
of him... well, that's YOUR problem) (and I happen to be sitting 
on a hot interview of him if THE PIG PAPER is interested). 

To make a long story short, we went over well. We scheduled 
another show for August, which was a memorable experience: 
At the time I had been switched to the night shift at work, 
and was told that I could NOT get time off. So an elaborate 
Plan was rigged so that I could make the gig. 

I told my parents I was going to a friend's house in the 
valley, and from there to work. But unbeknownst to them I 
would run into car trouble and would have to miss work (such 
a pity). My equipment was always in the trunk of my car so 
I would not have to explain why I had my bass. Well, the 
fateful day came. I woke and slipped silently out the door 
Got in my car and promptly drove to Los Angeles, taking 
hits of that dangerous mind-warping marijuana whenever 
the. coast was clear. I got off the 5 Freeway and onto 
the 10 (remember the difficulties us Loved Ones had 
negotiating this turn-off!). The road swept out before 

me like a swath of toilet paper cutting through a trough of pickle relish 
dotted with the homes of greasy mutants tucked between chunks of pimento frag- 
ments. This scene was one of pure inspiration, so I downed some acid and 
pointed my car up Fairfax towards the tar pits of oblivion. 

I spent the day in the art gallery, and made the calls that needed to be 
made regarding my supposedly stalled vehicle. Needles to say this piece of 
genius worked like a charm! I bullshitted the rest of the day away and arrived 
at- the club about 8:00 only to discover that instead of four bands being booked 
to; play that eve, there were NINE. (Typical Surf City tacties -Ed.) On top of 
this, our guitarist showed up pissed as hell, and fighting with his girlfriend. 
This show he pulled a total freak-out and disappeared to get drunk. Phil and I 
were terrified he would not make it back in time to play, but on the other hand 
were relieved we wouldn't have to babysit him til showtime. 

Upon his return we pinned him to the floor while sneaking onstage to set up 
before anyone could tell us if it was our turn o r notViW/^KCALSO typical -Ed.) 
We proceeded to play one of the shortest sets imaginable ending in uis trashing 
the monitors while our guitarist ran to the nearest corner of the club to puke 
his guts out. 

We found out later a rep from Flipside magazine was there and we were 
reviewed as being one of the best band to ever have played the Cathay (cf: FS 
#44) . 

Aside from all this, I am involved in a project called The Free Bass 
Ensemble. We have been profiled in Music Connection magazine and have played 
the Club Lingerie. The format of the band is that of ten to fifteen bassists 
performing simultaneously. Many of LA's best bass players have sat in with us, 
including Harry Shearer (Spinal Tap), John Trubee (Ugly Janitors of America) 
and possibly even Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. 

You are free to use this story if you like in THE PIG PAPER as "Confessions 
Of An Ex-Loved One". Of course you may edit in any way you wish... 


t . "SIX AND SIX" by JANDEK These 

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8. "INTERSTELLAR DISCUSSION" by JANDEK........ p n Box 15375 

9.;;NINE THIRTY" by JANDEK. ...... „\ , . ,.; ; [Houston, Texas 

10. "FOREIGN KEYS" by JANDEK. ........................... . USA 770 20 

?hft Worlds First Hardcore Compilation Letter! 

by John Crawford 

Ever wonder what an average letter to a politically eon- 
oemed fanzine would look like? Well we'uns at Baboon cen- 
tre sure did,, yay bo* And being real technical and scienti- 
fic and all, what v/e did is taka the letters in the November 
1985 Maximv.m Rock and Roll, fed them into our X^OOSU IBH. 
Arflef liver Auto-Fed Computer, hit all the crucial buttons 
and cane u- with ttts following, what we feel is truly the 
exact average readers letter to that publication. So prepare 
for a remarkable intellectual experience for herein lies 
perhaps the last best hope for all of humankind. (All 
language guaranteed \arbatim, check for yourself!) 
Dear MRS, 

I we j not at all surprised to see Mr Hatch's 
name mentioned in your "New Right" article. Although 
I am aiare that the trendies and the poseurs have 
come &j ngerously close to drowning out the original 
^unk ethic of "no more bullshit", the military 
has already destroyed several thousand sheep. If 
we don't do it today, those Stepe brothers will do 
anything to keep ^heir legs spread. Michael -says 
he's a skinhead who's not like the stereotypical 
skinhead, so if you dress in the uniform of violent 
bigots we'll have fags who are forever pissed, 
high, and hard for a fuck or a fight. Why <*o 3T° U 
think most punks stopped wearing swatstikas years 
ago? Thats right you fashion nazi, when you're my 
age you'll be shouting as I do, "I'm a drunk, not 
a punk!" Yes, thats righfc, punk is dead. I should 
know as my beat friend and I are known as lesbians 
in our high school just cos we don't, dress in ruff- 
les and flounces or keep Henry Rollins comfortable 
5n his Cadillac. Anyone* knows that a person who 
uses their looks to make themselves popular won't 
say, "Oh, its GG so it sucks." Moreover, if you 
do not believe a dog for lunch should look and 
act is such, then .may I address the problem you 
may free by contracting AIDS? Holy herbivores 
Mykel, if youre going to continue poisoning 
yourself through drugged cow carcasses, at least 
eat animals that were killiid slamming in the pit. 
I got thrown out for taking a shit on the stage 
and rubbing it on my body and flinging it at the 
crowd! Why? Because I*m not some Jerry Falwell 
typo trying to make othera live by my. ethics. 
If anything is to be blamed, its the ideas that 
take control of a persons mind and actions, like 
apathy, machoism, racism, sexism, ate, and these 
have to be fought with the main perpetrators of nasi 
violence, Positive Force. Firstly, I'm 17, and like 
lohannon I have totally lost contact with people 
of my generation* I'm sure there are plenty of 
closed-minded assholes out there ready to fuck the 
brains out of any unsuspecting girl, but that 
doesn't mean you have to lie there with your skats 
board permanently attached to your- feet. If you 
think it in Mykel I'm going to rape you and drink 
my own piss off the floor. To me hardcore is group 
therapy, wouldn't it be great if the whole world 
could smile at each other and not worry about ass- 
hole govts fucking their new Circle Jerks t~shirts? 
Due to a lack of money, too much beer, and my own 
stupidity, the people here axe interesting and often, 
intellectual, most notably Jello Biafra and Gimpy. 
But I still see "Fuck Russia" bumperstickers and 
"Kill a commie for mommy" t-shirts. Here in Chicago 
we have been having trouble keeping our scene going 
in the midst of nazi punk agitation, punks throwing 
away all of their ideas and trading them in for LSD. 
Anyone who has any information on the whereabouts 
of Save Hafrcage, pleaeo write me. I'm 30 years old 
and I'd really like to get acquainted with nonviol- 
ent noncexist muscle flexing pricks who do not mind 
explaining bruises to faaily members. Like lohannon 
says, we must maintain our integrity, vision, energy 
and sense of humor in the lonely battle ahead, but 
then again it could be any jerk who'd do the same* 
•nil besides, not all skinheads are certified sluta. 

If anyoae wants to communicate their problems, 
or just write, please do. 

"p 3 — f- . — -■ Weepie Snivels 

apolo^e to 2x SSL^S* l*' ±St * Z ei »«*ely 
«y Aiapanic. The road tfL?? V° "*** s * lon « f <* 
ilation; tapee. k * n ia $«*** with comp-